(This was written over three days: Friday, Saturday, and Sunday)

Chemo #2 was Thursday.  What a surprise that was!  While I’m smiling and looking happy in the picture and video, I had no idea what was about to come.

Today, (Friday), I’m still in so much pain and yet, I’m writing in hopes that I become distracted by the pain even if for a little while—but I have to write in small doses with many long intervals in between.

Below is a very short vlog I did during chemo when I was feeling great and completely unaware of how hard the side effects were going to be!

I even colored one of the scripture cards from the pack of “Blessings” Cards that I received as a gift from a very good friend.  I worked on one of my favorite Proverbs from Chapter 3, Verse 5:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.”

Amen, to that!  My understanding is so limited and the Lord’s ways are higher than mine.

 

Can I be honest, this second chemo is nothing like the first.  It’s taken me by surprise.  It’s much worse than the first time and it started to effect me negatively almost immediately—as soon as I got in the car and we were on our way home!  Dad and mom were in the front and hubby was in the backseat with me to make sure I drank water and ate crackers to stave off nausea and dizziness.  When I got home, I fell asleep for a few hours but when I woke up my scalp was burning.  I felt like I had razor burns all over my head and to be honest my scalp was red and looked pretty ugly in the back. It even hurt to lay my head down even though it was covered in a cap.

 

Friday morning, I woke up with a cotton mouth that wouldn’t go away.  Awful feeling.  Later, got Biotene.  I was also incredibly dizzy and nauseous but we had a 9 am appointment for one last sonogram with the “high-risk” doctor.  I showered, got dressed, and hubby then helped me down the stairs because I felt like the leaning tower of Pisa.  Still, I had barely a clue of how terrible I would feel as the day went on.

An hour after we got back, I also had a terrible headache, and a few hours later a bad stomach ache and yet, that was just the beginning of my descent from the mountaintop.   It seemed like every few hours, I acquired a new adverse symptom to piggyback the others and together they were leaving me little room for comfort.

Suddenly, I understood why the adriamycin chemotherapy was called the “RED DEVIL.”  It earns its devilish nickname due to its harsh side effects and its bright red color.

Around 4 pm, I still had not eaten a thing since the slice of toast I had earlier in the morning.   Since I was too weak to stand long, I thought I’d try some vanilla Halo ice cream.

Then, the weirdest thing happened.  I had five spoonfuls of ice cream and felt my throat swell and ache instantly.   I mean really ache.  I touched my neck and everything was swollen and tender to the touch.  It felt like I had strep throat or worse an allergic reaction.  I panicked and stopped eating immediately.  I think I was starting to feel what is called a throat sore and it was unrelated to ice cream.  Nevertheless, it freaked me out!  The pain is still there but I read online that cold milk helps and it has—a bit!

 

By the time hubby came home, which was about an hour later, my stomach and now my back were both killing me!  I felt my insides churning like an active volcano and the right side, and only the right side of my back, from the bottom of my shoulder blade to below my waist burned in pain.  That’s when I’d had enough and I called NYU.

 

The doctor on call said he was most concerned about my back pain because it was the only side effect that was unassociated to chemotherapy—he was afraid it could be a sign of labor.  That’s when I broke down in tears.  It was all too much to handle.

 

I told Joey to call S. our friend and doula.  I tried to explain through tears that I wasn’t feeling any contractions, at all, but she said she was coming over anyway.  I prayed I wasn’t in labor, which I didn’t believe to be happening but I knew the back pain was not a good sign.  Thankfully, I had printed my hospital bag checklist and hubby went upstairs to pack my bag, just in case. At least now it’s ready.

S. showed up in no time and thank you, Jesus, that she did!

I can’t tell you how grateful I am for her.  Because of S. my pains went from a 10 to a 2!  She started by making me drink green tea with organic, raw honey. Then I drank a 1/4 cup of Elderberry Juice with more honey, followed by another tablespoon of just honey.  It wasn’t long before the severe pain in my throat and my belly started to diminish.

From there she moved on to prenatal massage.  At first, I hung on to hubby with my arms around his neck in a slow dance position while S. smothered my back in coconut oil.  Very apropos since we like to slow dance once a day in the kitchen, which is where we were. Wow, did that coconut oil feel good!  It wasn’t long before I could begin to worship to the music in the background.

After a little while, S. changed my position again.  She got me a pillow to put on the kitchen counter so I could rest my arms and my head while she fashioned my Mexican blanket around my belly and had hubby hold it up to relieve the pressure from my belly while she continued to massage me.   That felt even better!

About 45 minutes later, I lay on the 15 pillows on my sofa while we waited for a delivery of bone broth.  Yes, bone broth.  It sounds just like what it is—bones simmered for hours in water.  It has amazing healing properties (please look it up).  We didn’t have any bone broth but S. put a request on one of her private, holistic facebook groups and a benevolent woman responded asap.  She was even kind enough to drop it off my house and refused to take any money from hubby for the gas.  She said, “That’s not how we do things!”  God bless her for dropping it off.

S. added some garlic and seasonings and I drank it straight from the bowl.  It made my stomach feel better and I still had plenty leftover.  I had some today (Saturday), too, with some asparagus for lunch.  I can’t eat much so the broth is easy to drink and keep down.

 

Finally, I was feeling better than ever and S. went back home to her little ones.  Unfortunately, in the middle of the night, all the pains came back and I wanted to let hubby sleep so I dealt with the pain in tears again until he awoke, which was around 7 am and he began to nurse me and massage my back right away.

Everything I feel comes in waves.   I get a little respite for an hour or two, I write a little, and then it all comes back like it never left and I stop, moan, groan, and will myself back asleep while listening to worship music, praying, and believing in faith that God has an amazing victory coming in the end.

 

In another day or two, I’ll move on from the chemo pain and it will be a thing of the past but today, I’m still in the valley, yet I feel a slight ascent back up to the mountaintop.  Hubby massaged me, fed me more bone broth, and I took a warm bath in the late afternoon that helped with the back pain—as my ob-gyn suggested.  The symptoms are all still here, on and off, but I know the worst will be over soon.  I feel hopeful that the end is near.

 

The best news is that I get a four-week break from the next chemo.  In just a little over two weeks Noah will be here and then I get two more weeks with Noah before I have to go back again for more of the “red stuff.”  I know it gets harder before it gets easier but it will get better.  I just have to make it through the hard stuff first.

 

This morning, I woke up with a worship song in my heart—as I do almost every single morning.  Today, I woke up with “Use Me” sung by the Brooklyn Tabernacle.  It is one of my favorite songs.  The chorus is below and the link will take you to the song:  https://youtu.be/VQQ_oF7lPDE

Let’s pray.

Father God, I thank you for waking me up this Sunday morning and getting me over the worst.  Lord Jesus, thank you for providing the compassionate help of friends, strangers, and my amazing husband without whom I could not endure this trial.  Lord, even in this state, I pray that you use me for whatever you have purposed in me.  Lord, take the little I have and use it for your will, not mine.

Thank you, Father, that you never leave me, nor forsake me, that you are the rose on the plain of Sharon, and the lily that grows among the thorns in the valley.  I thank you, Lord Jesus, for carrying me on the mountain and in the valley.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me those intervals of respite so that I could get some rest and some sleep and thank you for the hedge of protection around Noah.  Thank you that no weapon formed against us shall prosper, that the blood of Jesus is the only blood flowing through me and Noah.  Father, keep Noah safe in my womb, protected from the chemo until it is his time to come into the world.

I thank you that my hope in You is eternal.  I give you all the praise, the honor, and the glory, in the name of your precious son, Jesus.  Use me Lord!

Amen!

             Here is my favorite scripture this week that is truly speaking to me:

             I will “rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer.”               (Romans 12:12)

P.S. I’ve added a print button below.  You can also use it to modify the parts you want to print and also to email the post’s link to someone else.

In Love and Christ,

Liz