Psalm 130:7 says:  O Israel [and all believers], hope in the Lord!  For with the Lord there is steadfast love [mercy and loving kindness], and with him is plentiful redemption.

 

I can’t believe this little boy, with those cute dimples and cleft chin, was in my belly just three weeks ago! Amazing! My mom and mother-in-law keep telling us that we are going to spoil him because he is always in our arms, but the truth is Noah is spoiling us!  We can’t get over his adorableness or his easy temperament.

 

NEW CHANGES!

On the other hand, being a new mom, and a new dad, is exhausting!  Noah eats every 2 to 2 to 2 1/2 hours and then it takes him about an hour to eat, so that leaves us with a little over an hour to rest—if we’re fortunate!  Hubby and I take turns at night, we even take shifts, and sometimes we wake up together, but in general, we are sleep walking most of the time—but we are not upset because we are sooo in love with his little angelic face!

 

RECOVERY?  WHAT RECOVERY?

Someone asked me if being a Mom was anything like I had expected but I had no expectations.  In those final months of pregnancy, I was in too much pain to think beyond the present moment.  Although I had no idea what my new life would be like, I erroneously assumed my post-pregnancy body would feel a lot better than before— I was very wrong.  Since delivering Noah my body has been through so much more pain than before.  Recovery has been one of my biggest struggles.  I had no clue that a having a tubal ligation, on top of my C-section, would prolong my recuperation.  It’s three weeks later and I still can’t sit up, sit down, or walk comfortably without pain.

 

I called my ob-gyn on Monday and described my abnormal pains and discomfort, but he promised me that it was all normal.  When I googled my symptoms, just to be sure, I found tons of other women who complained of the same pains—needle like stinging, burning, difficulty standing and sitting, and organs displaced and moving.  And those are only some of the physical side effects that I can talk about without embarrassment.  Trust me, you don’t want to hear about the others!

 

NEW LIMITATIONS!

Then there are all the other limitations that are caused by these hormonal shifts like the chronic fatigue, irritability, and mood swings that are related to both surgeries, the post-pregnancy “baby blues,” and the inevitable sleep deprivation.  So, it’s no wonder that I’m in no mood to talk, text, or have home visits.  I’m just so emotionally out of whack!  The only true joy I have is when I look into my Noah’s eyes—which look just like mine!—and when I sit with my husband and we look at him together, I’m in love!  I’m comforted most when it’s just me and my two favorite guys.

 

But in all this, can I please give a shout out to the person who is most overlooked in this process?  My “A1 Awesome husband”—that has been hubby’s caller id handle on my cell phone since we were married.  “A1” keeps him at the top of my contact list and he truly is an awesome husband. 

 

Part of my “baby blues” at the beginning was in realizing how little I could do for my son.  In the hospital, I was a physical mess.  I couldn’t get up to pick up Noah and I could barely stand long enough to change his diaper!  I thought I’d be better at home, but not so.  Daddy has had to be both mommy and daddy to Noah—and caretaker to Mommy.  He has done far more work than I have—more feedings, more diaper changes, and much burpings…  He’s so quick at a diaper change that I suggested he participate in a diaper changing contest—do they exist?

 

And yet, I find when I speak to people, few bother to ask how hubby’s doing when he’s the real hero in all this!

 

He’s so concerned for both of us!  He makes sure we are both fed; he makes sure I take my vitamins; he hands Noah to me when I want to hold him and can’t get up!  And he is continuously praying over us and playing spiritual warfare music while we sleep—on the couch, no less, since I still can’t get in and out of my giant bed comfortably.  He is also trying desperately to finish Noah’s nursery and answer service calls to bring in more finances!  Without my “A1 Awesome Husband,” I’d be at such a loss.  I’d have to have my two moms move in!  (How much my two moms have helped me is a separate post because these grandmas are amazing, as well!)

 

So, please, please, don’t forget to ask how he’s doing, too.  He’s humble and acts like it’s no big deal but I know it means a lot to him if he is acknowledged, too!

 

Here are just a few photos of Daddy taking care of Noah when Mommy hasn’t been able to.

 

 

While I know many would like to visit and see our precious Noah, I’m just so wracked by hormonal changes, plus a new mother’s protective love, and my home, which I take a lot of pride in, is a complete mess and I’d hate for anyone to see it this way.  Oh, and let’s not forget, I can’t let anyone see me with out first doing my makeup and getting dressed in my best.  All of this takes a lot of energy, which sadly, I don’t have.

Therefore, I am asking for everyone’s patience with me during this time.  I’m saving my energy for the times when I can get out of my house for a couple of hours to get to church!  That’s my goal.

 

CHEMOTHERAPY NEWS AND SESSION # 3

Thankfully, I get my port put in next week so I can stop taking my chemo intravenously which is problematic.  I had to switch arms midway during this last session because it hurt too much when the nurse tried to flush my blood before the next medicine. I also get blood work from the vein in my hand before chemo.

 

My chemo is about to get very aggressive.  In approximately four weeks, when I’m done with this current phase of AC chemo—I still have one more round—then I’ll start getting chemo once a week for 12 weeks straight!  Fun!  Not!

 

Therefore, my physical weakness, my immunity, and my “new” mommy mode which make it hard for me to answer texts, calls, emails, or requests for visits, will get even more difficult for me in the upcoming weeks!

 

But I do love that so many of you reach out to me.  So, please forgive me that I can’t answer each text or call.   It warms my heart that so many are praying and thinking of us.

 

And I am not discouraging you from reaching out.  If you would like to connect, the best way is to let me know that you are thinking and praying for me as it does not require me to converse, especially if I am getting many messages on a daily basis.  It puts a lot of pressure on me to respond to each one and to engage in conversation when I’m simply too drained from a new baby and chemo.

 

The best medicine right now is just to give me time to heal in the privacy of my home while I’m enjoying my baby and my hubby and getting as much sleep and rest, as possible.  I thank you all in advance for your understanding, your patience, and your love!

 

Here I am after having a Neulasta “on-body injection” device inserted in my arm after chemo was over.  The OBI is so I don’t have to come back for the injection the next day.  The prefilled syringe of medicine is a white blood cell stimulant that also helps the body fight against infection and bacteria.  I could not take it while I was pregnant.  It is very Orwellian.  I told the nurse it was creepy and that I would not be surprised if it was secretly recording my moves and downloading my passwords and personal banking information. (My students would appreciate my 1984 conspiracy theory!)  Oh, and it cost $8,000-$10,000!

 

It works by first adhering to my arm with tape and then by puncturing a small needle into my skin about a minute later.  I jumped when it “stuck me” and yelped “Ow!” like a big baby. The anticipation and surprise are what did it.  The medicine is administered 27 hours later, for 45 minutes—I must remain very still— and then the “on body injector” needle retracts and it can be removed and disposed of properly.

 

THE BAD NEWS!  

The oncologist warned me that I “might” have a severe backache or other aches in my bones.  Wundbar!  Just what I need, more pain on top of existing pain!  Please pray that I don’t feel any bone pain.

 

My God is the Greatest Physician on the planet and he here’s my prayers and yours, as well.  I was told I could take Advil but that strangely enough taking a Claritin (allergy pill) for the next three days might be better.  Although there is no rhyme or reason for the Claritin, it is absolutely unscientific, patients with allergies have been known to feel less pain than those who’ve taken the Advil.

 

FYI, chemotherapy is very long!  To get there by 9:30 we leave at 8 am.  Thankfully, we can take the HOV lane since there is always 3 of us.  Then, I do bloodwork with the phlebotomist and after we meet with the oncologist who does a breast exam.  The I go for my infusion which requires a saline flush first, then anti-nausea meds, then an antacid (Pepcid) for my stomach, then saline, then Adriamycin (the red devil–3 vials), and then Cytoxan.  All stages are through the I.V.  And next thing you know, it’s 3 P.M.!

 

GOOD NEWS!!  

The tumor is shrinking and it has softened which hubby and I also noticed!  This is great news!  The plan is to keep shrinking it as much as possible—until it stops shrinking— and then to do MRI’s and all those other scans before operating!  We will decide then, through much prayer, on whether to do a lumpectomy or a mastectomy.

 

Click below for a very brief video during Chemo #3. I was just too sleepy to speak long or even to finish coloring my scripture cards.

 

For the first time, I slept during my chemotherapy session.  And not because they give me sleep meds, which they don’t.

 

BE BLESSED!   IN LOVE AND CHRIST!   LIZ